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September 13, 2001 -
I won't pretend I've never cried.
But I've never shed a tear at disaster.
For those that don't know, I spent a little while in my teens and early 20s as a firefighter/EMT/paramedic.
I've held a dead child in my arms, not more than 3 months old. I told his father that he was dead. I did not cry.
I'm 0 for 12 on ressucitation attempts. Not once did I cry.
I've sat in cars tending the injured while the car was carefully dismantled around us. I've had my air regulator blow out 10 feet into a smoky building. I've had my pants soaked to my knees in blood. There were days and nights where I had given everything in my being, and came away with nothing. Still, I did not cry.
Tuesday I cried, a little.
Yesterday a box of teddy bears being collected in Oklahoma city made me cry. Tales of heroism at 30,000 ft over the mountains of Pennsylvania made me cry.
Today was the first time I was alone. On the long drive into work. I cried. Everytime I saw an American flag, I cried. Sometimes a single, solitary tear rolling down my cheek. Sometimes a sobbing, helpless flow of tears.
A group of us came together Tuesday night. I'd like to say thank you to them. Those that really know me know that my friends are everything to me, even if I don't necessarily tell them. I'd also like to thank PM for the chore she let me do. It helped to apply my talents to something that might bring others together.
My name is Matthew Olney. I'm an American. So are the people you see covered in dust, working to find the dead and wounded. So are the shattered bodies under 100 story buildings. So is our President, whose exasperated sigh just before his speech Tuesday night said more than all of his words combined. So is the person who hangs the American flag over highways, on their trucks or on their homes. So are the wives, parents and childeren at home, who forever will remember this day of tears.
And so are the men and women who serve us all, who will be the weapon of our anger. Those who we so often forget until they are needed. Those who stand watch. Those who wait. Those who will not let this act stand.
We are not broken, nor are we even bent. Do not mistake our seeming lack of interest in world events as ignorance. Do not mistake our peaceful nature as weakness. We are never stronger than when attacked. Never more dangerous than when hurt. This country's might is never used without the will of the people. Now, our leaders have that in spades.
You have awakened a sleeping giant, and instilled in us a terrible resolve.
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