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Saturday, July 14, 2001 -

OK, the woman's gone for the weekend and I'm investing time in my secret vice. I am obsessed with reality television. Now Big Brother is the KING, baby. Here's why...24 hour Internet video feed.

Now over the course of months in this house, the people inside can't help but become comfortable and act as themselves. It is because of this modern marvel of technology and psychology that I have learned a secret:

Women are the grossest people in the world.

Now I've been told this before by some girls. They had told me that I wouldn't believe the things that women talk about in their little groups. But did I listen, NO! Now, for the record, I was an EMT and Paramedic for 5 years, and I've seen some really gross stuff. The stories I heard today almost killed me.

How do I express what I heard....well it started out lame enough...with drinking and barfing stories. By the end of the conversation, there was a story about a woman eating cum out of a mason jar. The stuff in between was no better. Something about Mary and American Pie have nothing on these chicks.

Now, as I recover from my shock, I then need to ask you all this. HOW DO YOU COVER THIS UP? I mean I've been dealing with women for my entire life, and I had no clue. Drunk women, insane women, sober women, old women, young women and not ONE ever let on that they took part in these conversations.

I have trouble remembering not to swear in front of my parents, but somehow the ENTIRE GENDER FEMALE has hidden from me the fact that they NASTY! Now I feel left out. Think of all the conversations that I've missed out on...think of the BONDING that men around the world are missing out on.

This leads me to something else...burping. Now look...I drink beer or soda...it's going to happen. Now I want to know...WHAT THE HELL!!??!! Dear Genvieve...why must I be beaten for belching while women around the world are hiding out in little coven's discussing topics that turn me green.

Who decided that a woman must be the type of woman that I've always thought that woman were. (Go ahead, read that sentence again, I'll wait...) Don't get me wrong, I love women. I love all their little habits and especially their little butts...(see previous entry (Everyone Needs Goals). But why is this hidden...and why don't men hide it.

OK...I can't handle thinking about this any more. If you watched Big Brother last year, it sucked...this year they're allowing alcohol. I think this makes all the difference...that and the fact the I think they picked broken people. Nothing like picking 12 dysfunctional people and jamming them into the house with a case of beer. Check it out. Or just go to Pennsic.

BEWARE THE MOCs

I'm out

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