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September 25, 2005 - 05:21

Well it's day three in London, and tomorrow we'll be heading off to the Midlands so the Lady of the House can do some work, while What the hell am I going to do?

Anyways, here are some travellers advisories for those of you who might be coming this way soon:

1) Every citizen of London is issued an i-pod at birth. If you see someone who dosen't have an i-pod you can be sure they are from out-of-town.

2) Scarves are in. It seems that scarves are being developed by taking away the upper part of the rear of jeans, pants and even skirts. If you see a woman in a scarf, wait till she goes by, and you'll be certain of seeing a nice little patch of flesh at the bottom of her back.

3) Our hotel, The Cranley, is absolutely fabulous. If you are a female, let me tell you the canopy bed, framed paintings and attentive service is outstanding. If you are male, let me tell you the maid (there are only 12 rooms or so...) is completely banging. (w00t). My wife described her as Heidi, I described her as a porn maid. We both agreed that either description was apt.

4) Beware of people selling potato chips on the subway. One entrepid businessman didn't think things through enough and as he passed me the subway car careened around the curve. As he reached out for support, he crushed one of his bags of chips, exploding potato chips all over my head and the Brittany Spears look-a-like on my left.

5) "We Will Rock You", the musical based on the music of Queen, is brilliant. It's even better if you see it with the original London cast, the lead female, Scaramouche (sp?), is wonderfully funny and has a stunnig voice. Oh, and whenever Brian May comes out for a solo during the musical, well that just takes it to a whole new level.

6) Don't go to Harrods. You'll just end up being sad. Even if you can find something you like in your price range, the conversion rate on currency is depressing. However, I did buy the most incredible pair of blue/purple/gray harlequin high-tops.

OK, that's enough. We'll see you folks in a little over a week.


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