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October 16, 2001 - 2:01 p.m.
On top of my television is a yellow scarf, threaded through a silver ring that has little blue waves on it. It's cool.
I was telling Lisette earlier that I really have a hard time enjoying and celebrating achievements. I remember when I won the novice tourney at Pennsic Laura actually said "It's OK... you're allowed to be happy..." Which was weird, because normally I'm a pretty loud, happy, all-about me kind of person. I guess when something good comes along, I don't want to come across as having a big head. So in this quiet little corner let me just say this, with a big smile:
W00T! W00T! W00T! W00TY! W00TY! W00T! W00T!
I won't pretend that I haven't had my sights set on a gold-scarf for a while. Rapier is my thing in the SCA, and a lot of people that I respect where that scarf. Being chosen a free-scholar is a deeply gratifying thing because of this: You are chosen by your peers, your fellow rapier fighters. That is why, when Alan asked me if I wanted to be a free-scholar, I was honored.
Alan, Bob, Laura...thank you so much for your patience. I can be a real pain in the ass, and you guys have been incredible in the way you have delt with me. There have been a lot of other people who have shown me how to fight, but you guys have shown me more. Robert mentioned the other day that I've change a lot since I first met started in the SCA. I think that you three have had a lot to do with that. I also know that I have a lot still to learn, and I'm glad that you guys will be there in the future.
Along with that is a feeling a being somewhat anxious. I feel like now I have an obligation, that I represent more than myself. I feel like my actions and statements now will be looked at slightly different. I look back at the first time I beat a gold-scarf, and how awesome that was. I look back at the time I was squawked at (unfairly, I thought) by a white-scarf. I remember thinking to myself "he should be better than that". Well, I guess what I'm saying is this: There are things that I think a gold-scarf should be, and I'm going to try and live up to that.
w00t!!!
i'm out
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